Blog Update...

At this point in my life, having motivation and self-belief can be a little hard at times. The thing inspiring me to keep myself moving forward is having a deep inner knowing of what’s to come. The more I work on myself and take accountability for where my life is now, I realize that only I have the ability to make the changes necessary to experience a better reality. Nobody will be able to do it for me, except for me. I have to keep faith in the unknown of what’s to come, by staying present and controlling what I can do to be happy. In the meantime, I must learn to let go of everything that is out of my control by accepting that it’s okay to be here now even if it wasn’t where I expected for me to be. It’s a lot of self-acknowledgement, and work on myself. I must keep putting myself first because it’s my job to prioritize my life, to have the best possible outcomes and maintain my wellbeing. I have to keep making positive changes, one step at a time. By leaving closed doors closed, leaving behind people who are not serving my greater good, I am doing whatever it is that moves me in the direction of where I’d like to be. This is the reason I wake up early, shift my thoughts to better thinking, stretch, do breath work, clean up, and intentionally start my day on a positive note. 
I am 28 weeks pregnant as of now and I have a lot to learn. I know I must take the greatest care of myself in order to be able to take care of and provide for my child’s well-being and safety. I will meditate, write, or listen to affirmations, watch self-development videos, eat better foods, and only do things that do not stress my body and mind out. I just got a job at Starbucks in a Safeway grocery store. I have decided to start working again while I can before going on maternity leave, so I can pay off some of my debt. My credit score right now is 105 points lower than before I quit my last job in the middle of my second trimester. I plan to get it back up over 700 so whenever the time comes and I’m ready I will be able to buy a car and home. Until then, I am practicing on maintaining my peace of mind, inner healing, and being at a flow state, all while practicing gratitude. I am grateful for my healthy family, I am grateful to have a roof over my head, I am grateful to be in a safe home, I am grateful for my healthy and strong body that’s creating life for my baby. Being in a flow state for me means to do whatever feels good in that moment, to uplift me and if it doesn’t feel good then not interacting with it, going a different way and finding a way around it that feels better to me. It is knowing that what’s for you will always be for you, and not forcing connections or forcing anything at all. Not needing to know how things will fall into place, but just trusting that what you want will unfold naturally for you. Looking for the good in every situation so that when bad things occur, I will have a better chance at still looking at things more clearly, and from a better perspective. One way I am preparing for this is by paying more attention to the things I love about myself and others, and everything around me. This will eventually allow my mind to not let the negativity affect me so much. By taking care of my internal self, I will be able to better show up for myself and others around me, even strangers. 
I have had a bad habit in the past of being codependent on others. I want to end this by focusing on what I can do to provide for myself now independently. That’s what I will need for myself and my child to create stability.  I will do this by doing what I can for me right here right now and really putting myself before all else, prioritizing my needs before my wants. I am utilizing what I have now from outside circumstances like living back at home with my mom. When I’d rather be somewhere else. I’m focusing on what I can do to make myself happy now and be able to enjoy staying at my mom’s. Using this time as a way to help myself learn and become better than I was yesterday. I must actually come to understand what got me back to this point so I don’t keep repeating my old bad habits and not letting it get to me in a way that brings me down. This process will help strengthen the person who I am becoming and help me gain more knowledge of myself. I am focusing on having self-control by not letting these small hiccups bring me down and by working on my emotional well-being to become more emotionally intelligent. Having the confidence to do what I want to do all of these small adjustments go a long way. They are helping me maintain balance in my life and allow me to show up for myself in a way that will let me do the things I want slowly and steadily to always win the race. In this way I will keep having faith in what’s next to come, and taking full responsibility of where my life will go from here on out. I know it’s only up to me to have better days, so I’m finding what I can out of every moment to uplift myself. Accepting everything that has led me to be where I’m at today and accepting all that’s in front of me today, instead of beating myself up for where I’m at in life I’m seeing how far I’ve come mentally, emotionally, and even physically.